Testimony
My life had been one of those you do not even want to write about. No one would believe it all. I experienced years of family abuse and torture from older siblings ( I was number 5 of 10) when my parents were not around. There was intense physical abuse (52 scars just on my arms and hands), emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse from 3 generations. One brother sexually abused me from the time I was 4 until 14, and when I began to stand up against the abuse, the word “VICTIM” was written so large across my forehead that neighborhood boys and men could see it, and they partook of the innocence of my childhood, defiling it to nothingness. Life was only seen through glasses of pain, fear, rejection, and despair. I was emotionally unable to keep one job for very long, and there was so much insecurity, fear, and vain imaginations that it would destroy all confidence I could muster up. Before I married there were so many encounters with men I could not count them, unbelievable numbers even in this generation. I really believed sex was love and I so longed to be loved. I was raised Catholic, so I had a Christian foundation of God, Jesus, and hope, but I could not recall much of childhood that was good. One major trauma of childhood was being beaten for saying “no”, even though I did not understand the question being asked. I was beaten bloody for saying no. I did not learn I could say no until I was 56 years old! Only God knows the intensity of situations that this mindset encouraged. If your “NO” is stolen and you don’t know how to get it back, you believe everything someone demands of you, you must do (rational thinking was not a gift to me at that point). Marriage after marriage (eight) was destroyed because of the scars of sexual abuse and the fears of rejection, vain imaginations and abandonment deep in my soul. I married only to find that the abuse continued in unspeakable ways. The rapes continued from outsiders until I was 38, and it was always by someone I thought was a friend. There was little help. I was saved at 29 but that did not stop the abuse and pain that was “normal” to me. People had no idea how to help me. One day during the 80’s, my pastor at that time prayed I would never again come up to the altar for ministry for my past and after that I didn’t. I just stayed away. He did not want to know the depths I was trying to get out from under. God did allow me to go to the mission field for nine years, even though I was an emotional cripple. He allowed me that opportunity and it changed my life and gave me the first hope of peace. Then I met Becca in 1995. I was 51 at that time and trust was a major issue for me, but she just loved me and accepted me as I was. Her ministry through the years has kept me going. Yes there were other life changing experiences, but she stayed faithful and would pray for me often. HOWEVER in 2012, when I was 67, she and Catherine prayed for me with a type of ministry I have never heard of or seen. Yet in their tender love and care God showed them each and every sorrow, wound, every heart break, every fracture to my tortured soul. There was no fear with them. There was no judgment with them only love. When the time was complete from their ministry, I was complete. Never having been complete before I began to experience life in a way most people experience every day. Wholeness, completeness, and vibrant love of life and others were mine! I have been dramatically set free from a lifetime of abuse, horror, and shame. I now enjoy life and I am a complete, whole, and peaceful person for the first time in my life. I had prayed for years, “God how can I love you with my whole heart if I am not whole?” I now understand and I love Him with my whole heart, mind, and soul. With my whole heart, mind, and soul, I thank Becca and Catherine.
My life had been one of those you do not even want to write about. No one would believe it all. I experienced years of family abuse and torture from older siblings ( I was number 5 of 10) when my parents were not around. There was intense physical abuse (52 scars just on my arms and hands), emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse from 3 generations. One brother sexually abused me from the time I was 4 until 14, and when I began to stand up against the abuse, the word “VICTIM” was written so large across my forehead that neighborhood boys and men could see it, and they partook of the innocence of my childhood, defiling it to nothingness. Life was only seen through glasses of pain, fear, rejection, and despair. I was emotionally unable to keep one job for very long, and there was so much insecurity, fear, and vain imaginations that it would destroy all confidence I could muster up. Before I married there were so many encounters with men I could not count them, unbelievable numbers even in this generation. I really believed sex was love and I so longed to be loved. I was raised Catholic, so I had a Christian foundation of God, Jesus, and hope, but I could not recall much of childhood that was good. One major trauma of childhood was being beaten for saying “no”, even though I did not understand the question being asked. I was beaten bloody for saying no. I did not learn I could say no until I was 56 years old! Only God knows the intensity of situations that this mindset encouraged. If your “NO” is stolen and you don’t know how to get it back, you believe everything someone demands of you, you must do (rational thinking was not a gift to me at that point). Marriage after marriage (eight) was destroyed because of the scars of sexual abuse and the fears of rejection, vain imaginations and abandonment deep in my soul. I married only to find that the abuse continued in unspeakable ways. The rapes continued from outsiders until I was 38, and it was always by someone I thought was a friend. There was little help. I was saved at 29 but that did not stop the abuse and pain that was “normal” to me. People had no idea how to help me. One day during the 80’s, my pastor at that time prayed I would never again come up to the altar for ministry for my past and after that I didn’t. I just stayed away. He did not want to know the depths I was trying to get out from under. God did allow me to go to the mission field for nine years, even though I was an emotional cripple. He allowed me that opportunity and it changed my life and gave me the first hope of peace. Then I met Becca in 1995. I was 51 at that time and trust was a major issue for me, but she just loved me and accepted me as I was. Her ministry through the years has kept me going. Yes there were other life changing experiences, but she stayed faithful and would pray for me often. HOWEVER in 2012, when I was 67, she and Catherine prayed for me with a type of ministry I have never heard of or seen. Yet in their tender love and care God showed them each and every sorrow, wound, every heart break, every fracture to my tortured soul. There was no fear with them. There was no judgment with them only love. When the time was complete from their ministry, I was complete. Never having been complete before I began to experience life in a way most people experience every day. Wholeness, completeness, and vibrant love of life and others were mine! I have been dramatically set free from a lifetime of abuse, horror, and shame. I now enjoy life and I am a complete, whole, and peaceful person for the first time in my life. I had prayed for years, “God how can I love you with my whole heart if I am not whole?” I now understand and I love Him with my whole heart, mind, and soul. With my whole heart, mind, and soul, I thank Becca and Catherine.
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